


Candy Canes and Frito-Lays

by phidari



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Candyland, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Arranged Marriage, Crack, M/M, One Shot, POV Third Person, Past Tense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 12:59:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1120089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phidari/pseuds/phidari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caliborn, prince of Candy Land, and Dirk, prince of the Potato Chip Kingdom, discuss their arranged marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Candy Canes and Frito-Lays

**Author's Note:**

> Just belatedly posting a HSWC Bonus Round 5 fill. The theme was board games.

"Dude. Quit eating the scenery."

Caliborn ignored Dirk's sound advice in favor of continuing to chew on one of the many cotton candy bushes planted around the courtyard.

"Seriously, is this how the Candy Land royal family entertains its guests? I'm embarrassed to know you. Fuckin' schadenfreude up to eleven."

Finally, Caliborn stood and turned to face Dirk. Bits of candy residue were stuck to his face around his mouth in semblance of a really shitty beard. "Shut up. Dorito prince. This is perfectly sound. Candy Land etiquette. It's not my fault. If you don't understand."

"Are you even actually a prince? I mean, this is Candy Castle, but you sure aren't acting the part." Dirk sighed. He folded his arms over his chest and tapped his foot, ever the cool and aloof figure the Potato Chip Kingdom expected their prince to be.

"I find it hilarious," Caliborn started. "Our kingdoms are so stupidly desperate for the war's end. That our parents would actually arrange a marriage. Between me and a douchebag like you. Who doesn't even understand the first thing. About Candy Land culture." He grinned, wide-mouthed and sharp-toothed. "What if. I refused to go through. With the proceedings?"

"The war would continue and thousands would die," Dirk replied blandly.

At that, Caliborn let out a hysterical laugh. "Yes. What perfect sugary icing. To glaze the cake of not having to put up with you. In disgustingly tender matrimony."

"You know you guys would lose, right? I mean, you're already losing. You're the one who'd be shit out of luck if this wedding fell through."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes. Now get your dumb ass inside and clean up so we can actually do this stupid thing."

"No."

With a sigh and a roll of his eyes, Dirk grabbed Caliborn's arm and started dragging him toward the archway leading back into the castle. Caliborn shrieked and pulled away, suddenly red-faced.

"Never. Touch me. Again. You Cheeto dust basement dwelling shut-in."

"Yeah, see, the difference between you and me is I don't go around gorging myself on my kingdom's delicious landscaping to the point that I puke, no matter how much I might be tempted." Sometimes, though, it was genuinely difficult to resist.

"I don't do that either."

"Yeah, clearly." Dirk turned to head back inside, waving dismissively. "Ceremony's in an hour. See you then."


End file.
